Seriously

i wanna say hi to all my friends on here & thank you for being here when I need you & needed you.

Today I stayed home, have a few issues. My car is overheating & I have my sons here but they are so young that Im scared that them trying to fix my car w/o experience might not be done correctly but in the same thought process they told me that they called their dad & he was talking them through it.(not done) I was just shocked that he would offer any kind of help. I think he is going through a rough time too but just having faith in my heart that he is being serious bout helping & trying to stay positive & have no negative vibe on this one. I tried to ask my ex to come & help & he was like, its an attachment to me instead of trying to be somewhat open-minded & remember I moved over here w/o a single person me knowing & leaving everything behind, my family, my house, my life. I just picked up 10yrs ago & moved here thinking that this was the man for me. Really thinking a new start. I'll be perfectly honest. I wasn't madly in love w my ex. I just felt the connection & went w it. I made a big decision based on hope, faith & believing in him. Terrible thing on my part. Having that confidence & faith in a single being. I regret it now. I just think that I made this choice & now I am dealing with a poor decision in my life. I know we all make these decisions, whether they are poor or not but I just think to myself, why? Why did this all happen? Would I change it? right now in my life. No bc I think the path that I was going in was a dead end. My ex gave me hope, the will, the wants, the needs in my life. I am confused. I just feel defeated. I want to stay positive. I really do but its like every turn I make or stay on straight path something just bull dozers me & Im feeling hopeless, useless & so dang down. Ugh! I have been on going mode & not stopping mode since the divorce. Its so freaken hard. i hate this. :(

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