im trying to take it one day at a time. My days are numbered and i thought to myself okay. Job(check mark), have that. Packed most of the things I can (cant get organized so half checked). Place to live not anything.i feel desperate. i haven't had time to even look. Well divorce ppw is in his hands now and july i will be here but won't get paid for another two weeks. I have that other job out of town w half a tank of gas. i know ppl say take it one day at a time but what am i gonna do, its just so hard.he left me helpless but i stopped and don't do drugs(prescribed) bc i thought that was best plus i will have no insurance, i don't sleep as much 2-4 hrs. I lay here in bed trying to sleep. Doesnt work. So no true good sleep. Not to mention food, its a necessity but not appealing so i eat if i start to get weak. I tried to make friends or talk to the very few i have. So that i have some type of support group. i'm trying and i feel like there's not anything i can do to stop this anxiety, worry, fear. i'm just getting tired of all of this. i feel doomed. I try to tell myself it will be okay but i have this sticky hands crawling on me pulling me down. They come off sometimes but they creep slowly back onto me. This is terrible, strange feeling.
I told him i was trying to be civil and try to continue to text, talk to him but it's not good for me and i know this but just leaving and me not having closure is what is tearing me apart too.
So many things i have tried to do better and i feel like i can't do this. I tremble(shake)bc of the anxiety, bc i am cold. idk. I want to get out. Out and not feel like this anymore.