Difficult

im trying to take it one day at a time. My days are numbered and i thought to myself okay. Job(check mark), have that. Packed most of the things I can (cant get organized so half  checked). Place to live not anything.i feel desperate. i haven't had time to even look. Well divorce ppw is in his hands now and july i will be here but won't get paid for another two weeks. I have that other job out of town w half a tank of gas. i know ppl say take it one day at a time but what am i gonna do, its just so hard.he left me helpless but i stopped and don't do drugs(prescribed) bc i thought that was best plus i will have no insurance, i don't sleep as much 2-4 hrs. I lay here in bed trying to sleep. Doesnt work. So no true good sleep. Not to mention food, its a necessity but not appealing so i eat if i start to get weak. I tried to make friends or talk to the very few i have. So that i have some type of support group. i'm trying and i feel like there's not anything i can do to stop this anxiety, worry, fear. i'm just getting tired of all of this. i feel doomed. I try to tell myself it will be okay but i have this sticky hands crawling on me pulling me down. They come off sometimes but they creep slowly back onto me. This is terrible, strange feeling.

I told him i was trying to be civil and try to continue to text, talk to him but it's not good for me and i know this but just leaving and me not having closure is what is tearing me apart too. 

So many things i have tried to do better and i feel like i can't do this. I tremble(shake)bc of the anxiety, bc i am cold. idk. I want to get out. Out and not feel like this anymore. 

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Comments (2)

  1. bluevader

    It’s difficult to stop the roundabout of thoughts and worries. You need something that helps you to break the thought patterns, to give you a foothold up out of the doldrums. I don’t know how the medical system works in USA but I do know that sometimes the body needs a little help, a little push in the right direction, in order to start the ball rolling, and sometimes the right prescription drug can really help. Speaking as a divorced husband myself, I feel strongly that your partner ought to help financially. When I divorced, I bought my ex-wife a home and two cars and gave her the rest of what was in my bank, straight into her bank, and I handed over to her my investments too, and I started to build my life up again from scratch – but that was the only right thing to do as there are children involved, and her and the children come first in my life, (divorce is no reason to stop loving/caring) and I don’t regret it one tiny bit. I don’t know your circumstances of course but it’s clear you are full of worries at the moment. Sometimes one day at a time is too big a step, and one hour at a time will have to do…

    June 27, 2015
    1. showerstoflowers

      You are a better man than I can say I have ever heard or known. You sacrificing everything and having the will and confidence in moving on. We have no children involved. He didn’t want any. So he doesn’t have that hanging over his head.(his attitude)

      June 27, 2015