Change

i can see that everything has changed w me since my seperation/divorce. I got a job, well trying to work 2. I've been more social w ppl. I see that w the job ppl see me as a happy person(i laugh a lot) I try to lighten ppls moods. Idk, its sad but good at the same time. I mean, I love him but right now Im starting to get upset bc I don't think I did wrong. I had lots of depression meds that I took. They weren't bc of him. I don't think. I think they were helping me but just for a little while they would and the dr would just continue to add more. I don't take anything now and Im still sad but am trying to control it by just staying busy. I mean I barely have anytime to sit down to eat before I go to the next job. This is so hard bc I cant miss work but I have to find an apt and Im just having an overwhelming feeling bc I have nobody that can help me. You know I want to tell him Thank you so much for putting me in this position(not nicely) but I just think, carry on. I want to be successful at my jobs. I want them to know I can be dependable, reliable someone who wants to work and I just don't want to mess up by missing any days but everything is so difficult for me right now. Im praying that all will start to fall into place. Its so hard, it makes someone like myself feel defeated. I don't want to feel like that and Im sure most ppl don't I just need some kind of help. I'm so exhausted. I will be going to church today & have a guy that is going to show me apt today. I found another place that looks so much better than this place but am unsure. Boy! I dislike this feeling of being unsure, oh its so nerve wrecking! Ugh i'm trying to take baby steps but my situation calls for big ones. :(

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Comments (5)

  1. freedomorbondage

    Things will fall into place hopefully. I guess all I can tell you is that if you have faith, keep praying.

    July 07, 2015
    1. showerstoflowers

      I do have faith! Its always been in me. Praying every night. Not just for me but for him(ex). I don’t want to have any kind of ill-will towards him even though he couldn’t try to make it work. He just threw his hands up in the air & so many times I wanted to do it but I made vows, YES this was the second one & I prayed that it would work but I have to move on like him.

      August 03, 2015
      1. freedomorbondage

        I’m staying single for now for my own safety. I know what it’s like to be hurt.

        August 03, 2015
        1. showerstoflowers

          Yeah. I think I have no say in it. I mean if it happens again for me GREAT! If it’s not meant to be. Well than it won’t be.

          August 05, 2015
          1. freedomorbondage

            Ok.

            August 05, 2015