i am still here in this shell of a so called body i have.i no longer linger for his smile, touch, companionship.these things have subsided. i say this now bc this is how i feel for him but memories are the most difficult things for me right now. our...

Its odd

ppl think bc someone commits suicide they are weak. No, they are not. Theyhave to think of all the ppl that will mourn for them. They have to think bout some ppl that did care. They have to think is this the right thing to do? Please dont think my...

My son

he has made a decision to move w his friend. im glad. it is what he needs.i on the other hand will be completely alone. im not strong enough so i hear. im my head,my family,my husband.


not is my gbaby bday so i wont do that to him. he is a miracle as my daughter says when she talks bout him.he is 3 today. i dont get to see him, she doesnt let me bc she knows how much he means to me but pain is her way of hurting me...


i dont want to be here in this world.i am ready to go.i have wrote my goodbyes to my children & parents. i am able to take the medication to help me go to no longer think. no longer be a burden. no longer hurt inside. i said my goodbyes so no...

Is it in my head

sufficating, choking, stabbing, coughing, pulling, thinking, kicking, yelling, screaming inside, wondering why? how can one person make you this way.


well i have said this before it is a word. to some a beautiful word bc that is what they have. to some of us we don't even think bout that all we think is why, what, when, where is that for real? im raising my hand to ask to speak can it be? or is it...


i don't want them. i would rather feel numb than to feel this way. i would rather feel nothing than to be lost in this pain.


its not the things, its not where we placed them. its more like leaving my home, my place i would rest, would look at the ceilings before i closed my eyes, my comfort. i have to now find another place to feel safe. 


a sad day, not that the past 30 days haven't been sad for me but today marks one month. He's gone.:(

Not sure

i wake up thinking weird, odd, strange...there are ppl in this world that i have things in common with. Why does it surprise me so much? Is it bc i wrapped myself around him so much & he was my all that i didn't see that there is/are more to life...

Messed up

i feel alone. I feel hurt. I feel anger. I feel he is mine. I feel what happened. Where r u. What happened to you. why cant i stop thinking. You left me. I was faithful, loyal, honest. I thought I did it all the way I was supposed to. Maybe I didn't...

Wrote on 5-17-15

rs  I am thinking right now…what is loyalty? What is commitment? What is a promise? Why does it hurt so much?


where does the hurtful side of a person come from? Why cant ppl be nice? Why is it so hard to say goodbye? What is wrong w me? i wanna scream! I just cant stop the tears & it makes me so mad But they still come gushing.