No patience

i look on here to see if anyone see's (reads) this emptiness i feel. Im trying so hard to do the things i must. Im lonely and want someone to hug me, hold me, just feel some kind of warm security. This is a terrible feeing. I dont ever wish this on...

Looking for apt

im going today to go look at this apt. Im worried. Never lived on my own. Its so weird how ppl say to me oh its gonna be great. You will love it. I can tell you right now, it was just like when they said oh you have that empty nest feeling when I felt...

New job

ok. Starting new job. Breathing...im gonna get this!!!! Little nervous...:) :(

Church

I guess I can start off by saying I was feeling terrible today. Physically & mentally. I actually texted my daughter and asked her what she was doing and she said she was going to church. I said when, she said at 11:45AM. Well, I don't know much...

Difficult

im trying to take it one day at a time. My days are numbered and i thought to myself okay. Job(check mark), have that. Packed most of the things I can (cant get organized so half  checked). Place to live not anything.i feel desperate. i haven't had...

To let go

why is it so easy for certain ppl to just let you go when you try to do what your vows say? Better, worse, sickness, health till death do you part? I guess its KARMA if you believe in that. I want to get past this dang feeling of failure, rejection,...

Long day...

ok, did all that wrote down was going to do but forgot to sign last page Of dovorce papers.(Duh...dummy)Nothing on purpose. Just accident. Anyhow, my son's friend came over today to spend time w him & I have no running dryer anymore so I go to...

2 JOBS

OMG! I prayed last night that I could take care of myself with no help from anyone. I recently was contacted by a company that most of you know & I was so excited! A job! I was thinking, I can do this! Standing on my feet but I didn't care. I just...

Wanna run

i have a thought. I kinda wanna go back to a place i once called home. I have my children & gson here where i live except i have no drive to leave. I feel it will be the best thing for me but i dont feel i belong there anymore. I have lived here...

Peace

my mind won't rest. i think i passed out earlier. well i know i did but wasn't a thing i said im going to sleep. i was really tired but i got maybe 3-4hrs sleep. Than i fight my anxiety, my mind they don't shut down until 2-3hrs later & i can fall...

I love you

i know when i was younger my parents had no love. They never expressed it.i saw loyalty. i saw that my father provided but maybe bc he had 4 girls & finally a boy & oops, my baby sister. So he didn't know how to show love. Never heard i love...

Trust

i'm just posting bc i feel that it will help me to get feed back. Good or bad. I know that in our relationship we had it. It was always there. It never left. This is just my side of the story.when two ppl have that i know they love eachother. I...

I made a choice

I texted him this. I tried to tell you it was the pills, which I know now it was. You thought it was you that had me down but I stopped taking them bc I didn't want something choking me. I tried to show you I was happy so you could see it wasn't...

My weakness

i know im not mentally stable right now. Thats a weakness to me, bout me. My children have never had stability but me. dont get me wrong. maybe the word is someone they could feel loved by, helped when possible, i wasnt the best mother but not until...

Showerstoflowers

Hi. I named myself showerstoflowers bc of a story my sis told me.when my parents took me home they had my 3 sis in back seat said.she so ugly we gonna take her back. Well my sis' pleaded to keep me. My oldest sis said i will take care of her.my...

Oops i drank

im not a drinker. Not anymore but my son went to go talk to him & I decided to have a glass of wine & turned out to be a bottle of(very cheap) wine. I shouldn't of drank it. Blah. I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Oh no! What was I...

Not very long

i know i haven't been on this site for long but you all(friends)that have read things & have supported me in a way that I can't explain is so appreciated! Thank you so much! :) :(

My heart is crushed

i will be setting him free. He will be able to love again, be & do w what he wants & no commitment. I will be nothing to him. I was a fool to have ever though i was.